Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Is Oprah even human
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
