make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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