hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
