The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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