Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
