This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize