Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
