Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You made me cry and you don't even care
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
