You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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