Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
