so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
