Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
