U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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