Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
