i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
