Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
