According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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