Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
