I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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