I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
