If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Reggie can tackle my bush.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
