i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
what day is it and did you see me today?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
