dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
