Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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