Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
