Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
