My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize