Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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