I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
