It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
