Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
