I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
