When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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