i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
