I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
