I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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