its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
