At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
