yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
