Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
