No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
