Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
