happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She announced her abortion via fbk
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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