she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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