Who did Billy Mays play for?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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