i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
