I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
