I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
