i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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