I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
