I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
