I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
