Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
