This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
