I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
