it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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