You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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