508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
it was like eating out sand paper
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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