Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
