I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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