sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
