I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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