it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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