Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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