The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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