Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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