I'm jealous of your bromance
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
His nipple licking is glorious
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