Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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