Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
