I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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