he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
