I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
