we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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