Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
be right there i have to get my cape
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
